Loved by Love Himself

Hi daughters and sons! I'm Loida AKA lloyds, lloyders, yoda, and Loda. I guess people like to make some names up for me! I like them all :). As I'm writing this I'm laying on my couch on my iPhone tapping away at the screen thinking about how beautiful and awesome God has been in my life. So I was asked to share my story. And what's awesome is that we all have one. So as I share my life I pray that you may find that we don't walk this path alone. But together as one in Christ.

I am 25yrs old and the youngest of three. My older brother is 10 years older than I am and my sister is 4 years older than I am. And if you've been following revelations of a daughter than you've already read about my sister (Ruth). She remembers more of our childhood than I do, and she has an awesome testimony about how God freed her from the grip of depression.

 I've seen Gods hand upon my life in many situation but never really came to an intimate relationship with Jesus until before my junior year in High School. What I can remember growing up was when my parents stopped going to church and when they reverted to old habits. When my dad started to drink again and would get so drunk he would get up at night to go to the restroom and instead of going to the bathroom he would end up in the closet, he would argue and fight with my mom, he would yell at us, and he would come from work already drunk. This went on for years, and on top of my dad drinking my mom no longer was working so therefore we hardly could pay for our house or pay the utility bills. This one incident I remember we didn't have enough money for bills and the electricity was shut off and my mother, sister and myself were home afraid, almost in tears, waiting for my dad knowing he was going to blow up. And sure enough he did. That's what I remember in my childhood. I remember my parents always arguing and me being afraid that it was my fault, that I did something wrong. I was filled with guilt at young age. I was full of shame and anger for what was going on at home and it spilled out in my social life at school.

I tried to be a rebel but was to scared to do something wrong. I was lost in my own way of thinking of myself. I thought that I was a horrible person. That I came into this world as a problem. I was terrified of arguments so I would always try and please everyone. I felt like I couldn't stand up for myself because I felt like I didn't have a voice. And I was alone because I could never let anyone ever really see me. I carried this way of thinking into High School, and in high school I joined the girls basketball team trying to find some sort of community and family.

I made friends with a girl my freshman year and immediately I noticed something different about her. There was something that made her seem light, like if she had no worries or anxieties. She was always smiling and she always was encouraging. So I was drawn to her and as we became friends she began to tell me about Jesus Christ. No one, ever had told me about the redeeming love of Jesus. No one had ever shared with me about what Jesus had done for me on the cross. She was the FIRST person that introduced me to Christ, in fact, she was the only person to tell me about Christ in high school. Well, my new friend gave me an invitation to pray with her and accept Jesus into my life, and at the moment I rejected her and Him. I said no to the freedom of knowing Christ and decided to stay chained to my negative thinking. And the enemy fed on my response to Jesus. Throughout the next year I went through more pain in my life, more loneliness, and more solitary moments than ever before. I was surrounded by friends and family but never truly opened up and allowed someone to really see or help me. And I dug myself, what I felt like, a hole. A hole where all I thought about myself was how ugly I was, and how shameful and weird I was. And how if anyone really saw me they wouldn't love me anymore. So one day in the quietness of my room, alone, I cried (which was normal at night). And I sat up on my bed and said

"God, I'm tired. I'm tired of hating myself. Please come into my life and help me."

 So with tears filling my eyes I didn't know what else to do so I turned on the tv to TBN thinking

"I just need help."

 and the man on the tv that night said

"You've been feeling hurt and alone and God wants to let you know He is there for you and he will love you every step of the way!" 

So I jumped at the opportunity to pray. And at that moment I prayed that Christ may be the Lord of my life. And from that day on its been rainbows and butterflies!!!

Yea, RIGHT!!!

I struggled, a lot. I found help in my friend from 9th grade. She prayed for me and help me read the bible. Then in my close friend's life the Holy Spirit was working and she accepted Jesus into her life. She invited me to her church and that's been my home for almost 9 years!

It was a struggle to really understand that God called me beautiful, wonderful, and His daughter. I knew it because I felt His peace and His presence, I trusted that the Bible were His words so I clung to it as if it were my breath. But my head and my thoughts would betray me and I would struggle with the old way of thinking. I couldn't understand how God fully knowing me would love me and still do what He did on the cross for me. And at the same time I was falling in love with Him because He was never scared of my thought life. He walked right into it and began to clean it up.

There's been times in my ride with Christ where I've felt dry and separated from Him. There's been times where I've refused to come to my hiding place with Him. But I've come to a place in my life where I know, that I know, that I KNOW that I am a Daughter of the God of the universe, that I have been adopted by the creator of the heavens and the earth. That regardless of all the junk that I've brought into my life, He still looks at me with loving eyes and is always waiting for me with an open and loving heart! There is really no one like Him. And because he loves me, my response is to love Him back. My hearts desire is that this LOVE of the FATHER be made known through me.

My prayer is that you, the reader (son/daughter) may NOT feel as If you are alone. That you may find a story that you can relate to here on Revelations of a Daughter. That you may find encouragement, joy and laughter through these words. And that you cry with us as we cry with you. And that you may find healing as we find healing. I know my story is different, as is everyone's, but I pray that your heart is stirred to really know that you have a DaDDY that will pursue you, and will give you love and identity! May Daddy God bless your hearts as you end this and as you read some of my favorite scriptures!

Mucho Amor para todos :)

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mothers womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in numbers than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. 

(Psalm 139:13-18 NKJV)

---And--- 

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. 

(Romans 12:2 NKJV)