Reading everyone's personal testimonies on this blog has been just fascinating! Indeed "the
earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as
the waters cover the seas." ~ Habakkuk 2:14 I met sister Alyssa
on Instagram and she has been such inspiration for me. I hope my story
will help people connect personally with the Gospel of the wonderful
grace of GOD.
I
am 52yrs old, mother to 2 lovely daughters and a wonderful son very
fond of creeping up on me with a startling "Mama, boo!", hence my nick
Mamaboo on Instagram. My real name is Helen Regina given at baptism at
the age of 6. I was raised in a Catholic home and got married to a
non-believer businessman 32 years ago. That was the end of
church-going...and GOD and the beginning of my life as a career woman
after taking on a key role in the family's business empire. As our
businesses grew and expanded rapidly, I became a
workaholic - pretty much a frazzled "Martha" tossed between our hugely
successful but extremely demanding businesses AND the guilt of a
somewhat neglected home. Getting knots in my rope, I relied on frequent
holiday getaways to untie them - a pathetic soul in bondage; trapped in
the monotony of life, swallowed up and absorbed in the economic and
financial affairs of the world.
Life was such a burden; like living in a prison, day-in day-out, the same routine. My
children were sent off to prestigious schools abroad simply because I
could afford the money but not the time with them. What a sorry state to
be in! For
a while, Mass was sporadic but soon afterwards, even GOD was no longer a
priority as I was too consumed in my career, too busy and didn’t want to go to a church alone in a new city. I
put off taking steps to meet Christians, to get involved with the body
of Christ in my new community and eventually became isolated. In my busyness, I was missing out on the purpose of life, the world could not offer me the contentment I desired. My Bible was never far though I hardly ever read it. Although I knew Jesus died for me, I had very little knowledge about the Word and GOD apart from praying
the Lord's prayer and Hail Mary, Adam and Eve, the 10 Commandments,
Good Friday, Easter Sunday, Noah's Ark, Jonah and a few other popular
Bible stories. Looking
back, I suppose Catholics, in general, hardly read much of the Bible
and I wasn't very much encouraged to either. I remember carrying a
rosary with me most of my life for "protection." 😏 How shallow my
belief then. I guess
I missed out on the encouragement Hebrews 10:23-25 said one needed to
remain strong in their focus, faith and walk with the Lord. And yet - in moments of introspection and honesty, I knew deep down inside that I was missing out on GOD. Every time I drove past a church, my heart longed to go in but I was too caught up in life's grinding wheel to make that move.
An
encounter with the Lord put a stop to my tracks and an overhaul to my
lifestyle when He spoke Mark 8:36 in a remarkable and revelatory
manner. It was 4 April 2003 - a day I was to take my own life. I had driven across town and checked into a hotel for that purpose. The world was so loud. I
was tired. So tired of living. Too tired to live another day. I was
lost. I wanted to put an end to everything to have that peace. I don’t
know if anyone can understand what this is like, but there was this
kind of inner despair and emptiness that just eats away at your insides
making every day miserable, another day to get through. I
couldn’t see any purpose to life; nothing really made sense. The
wealth, the success, the achievements were meaningless and could not
fill the void inside of me. I had everything, yet I had nothing. I dreaded every day and wished I did not wake up to another day. Nothing mattered anymore.
 |
| Photo found on Google Images |
I
remember holding my Bible and asking GOD for forgiveness for what I was
about to do. I then heard a small tapping sound on the window beckoned
me outside and as I stepped out, I noticed a beautiful dove had flown in and perched on the railings on the hotel balcony. It cooed
for a good few minutes and then walked towards my Bible that I had
placed on the table, as if asking me to open and read it before
disappearing beautifully and slowly into the sky, over the rainbow and
above the canopy of trees. As I watched it in flight, I felt so small
and so insignificant. Birds were so much happier. What a mess I had made of myself. What a life. What a fool. Was all this worth it? Is it worth it? Will it ever be worth it? I
remember looking into the heavens and crying out to Jesus in distress
for the first time in my life -
"I wish I were a bird. I want to be free, Jesus. So free. I want to be a bird. Please set me free, Jesus."
Sorrow and repentance came upon me as I wept and wept uncontrollably. Then I heard an audible voice,
"What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
I was awestruck and thought I was dreaming. Then something stirred within me to open the Bible and Matthew 6:26 stood out:
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap, or store in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
I felt a tremendous warmth envelope me and the loving
presence of God in the room and wept even more. Then I felt the
heaviness lifted from my heart. I felt the chains that enslaved me broken. His words lifted the veil from my heart and suddenly everything became clear. So
much transpired within the next few hours of that grace-outpouring
afternoon as I fell on my face weeping in His presence in total
repentance and surrender pleading for His mercy and forgiveness. I laid myself, my past, all that I was at the feet of Jesus that afternoon and received
my forgiveness and deliverance, and 14 Scriptures from the Lord and
above all, a blessing - a new beginning. GOD spared me.
After restoring
fellowship with GOD in Jesus Christ and the release from the bondage, I
have experienced the freedom to live a new life in the spirit. I renounced myself and asked Him to be the cornerstone for a new life in Him. I rediscovered my purpose. The Spirit of God had put a consuming desire in me to know Jesus and an insatiable appetite for the Word of God and I began reading the Bible and I read... and I read.. and I read every day, every night, day in day out for a long, long time. The
only prayer I prayed for a long time afterwards was to plead with the
Holy Spirit to quicken my knowledge and understanding of my Lord and
Saviour Jesus through the Word. I felt left behind for so long. I began
chasing after GOD, so to speak. I wanted to be where He was happening. I
joined every prayer meeting, every church gathering, every retreat,
every conference I could, everything and anything that I could lay my
hands on about GOD I wanted. I would skip dinner and wait outside the
church door so I would not be late for our meetings. If I read too late
into the night on Saturdays, I would not go to bed so I would not miss
Church Sunday mornings. The family, on the other hand, thought I had gone crazy. It was, however, the beginning of a real joy that could only be realized in that fellowship with, in and through JESUS CHRIST. He became the sum and substance of my life and brought eternal significance to it. Suffice it to say, I could see now as I had never seen before; I could feel now as I had never felt before; and I could know now as I had never known before. No longer do my own pursuits, circumstances and the world's influence have any depth of significance. Suddenly life matters. Suddenly life was full of excitement. Suddenly life was worth every breath I have. The truth is that nothing on earth will ever give lasting satisfaction because I was created for eternity. Now the things I do are charged with eternal meaning. The real treasure is who I am in Christ and not what possessions I have. My hope is anchored in Him. Jesus Christ has made my life profoundly worth living as a pilgrim, not a prisoner on earth. I can now lose myself in service for I have found myself in Christ and made a commitment to serve Him no matter what happens.
I can relate with what Solomon in the Book of Ecclesiastes dragged us through the pointlessness of a life without God:
"Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless, Everything is meaningless! What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind."
Judas
sold Christ for less than 30 pieces of silver and I had sold my soul
for something just as trivial because I chose everything else of this
life over Christ. My
experience has changed my perspective and the course of my life forever
and took me to a higher level of faith, hope and trust in GOD. There is more to life than our limited spheres of knowledge and I hope to help people find
the key to their own stories of faith and struggle and come to the
truth that our status is not dependent on our relationship to a person
or a thing but with Jesus Christ.
Seek
the things which are of Jesus Christ ~ Philippians 2:21 for our
citizenship is in heaven. ~ Philippians 3:20 Remain in Him and continue
in Him. ~ 1 John 2:27-28
Funnily enough, I wrote a letter to GOD that day (which I cannot believe I did if I didn't recognize my own handwriting) that I still keep tucked between the pages of my Bible:
"Father
in heaven: I need Your love and saving grace. Please forgive my sins as
I forgive those who have sinned against me. Come into my heart to
become my Saviour and lead me into a life everlasting. For many are
called and few are chosen. I confess I do fall short of your glory.
Renew my spirit and show me the way to this narrow gate to Your kingdom
where there only will I find a life with You, the Father, the Son and
the Holy Spirit. I present to You my body as a living sacrifice that You
may fill it with the Holy Spirit to give me the strength to endure to
the end. And, as I continue to find my way to you, save me and deliver
me from the evil one and let me live a life everlasting full of the
peace, joy and love that I need. For Yours is the kingdom, the power and
the glory forever. In Jesus' name I pray for He is the Way, the Truth
and the Life and only through Him will I come to You. Amen."
Later that same year, He brought my husband and our children to salvation to receive His grace and blessing. We named our house "EMMANUEL" that year and God IS with us. What complete joy and what a blessing since JESUS took over as the head of our house. Our Father is a faithful GOD who saves by the households. ~ Acts 2:39, 16:31
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.~ Philippians 3:7-9
Whom have I in heaven but You?
My flesh and my heart fail;And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
~ Psalm 73:25-26
"The Son of GOD has come to seek and to save that which is was lost."
God's
abundant grace, God's overflowing peace, God's everlasting love, God's
unfailing promises and more...
Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you.~ Matthew 6:33
What a blessing to know this!
➡ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. ~ 1 John 2:15-17
➡ Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas
you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is
even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. ~
James 4:13-14
My
prayer for you, beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, is that you
will never permit anything to come between you and Christ, and that you
will continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour
Jesus. If
we find that whatever we do is encroaching our daily lives to the
extent that we do not have time for the Lord as we ought, then we ought
to choose even being less prosperous or rich in this world rather that
our souls perish. Take heed the words of our Lord Jesus in Matthew 7:24-25 about building our foundation on the imperishable Word of God.
He compared it to a wise man who builds his house on the rock:
"when the rain came down, the streams rose, the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation built on the rock."
"Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation
~ 2 Corinthians 6:2
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.~ Proverbs 16:25
Let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.' Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.
~ Acts 4:10-12
Apart from faith in Jesus Christ there is no salvation. Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
~ John 14:6.
No comments:
Post a Comment